Hello.
It's been a while. Just going to breeze through the past 7 months.
The anxiety I was feeling earlier this year died down a little once I got into reading. I would pick a subject randomly and just carry all my textbooks to my mother's room and sit at her table and study for like 3 hours everyday. As I kept at it, it turned out that I like Chemistry, haha.
The next few weeks flew past quickly. For some people their WAEC started in May but i was fortunate enough to start in April. I think I started with Math or English, one godforsaken subject like that. I remember being scared for all my exams but for Math in particular. I just trusted in God and faced my exams.
Oh, I forgot.
I had practicals before my actual exams started. I was fearing every one of them. Physics practical was actually enjoyable, I was so happy about that one because I hate Physics with every burning passion of my soul. Chemistry practical actually sweetened my soul, I was just doing a little happy dance as I went. Biology wasn't the best which is ironic since I love Biology the most of the 3.
Long story short, everything just blew past rather quickly. Next thing I know, my IGCSE have rolled by and those too are gone rather quickly, and the next thing I know I've graduated.
I've so much time now and I have no clue what to do. I've continued my Korean and German classes online and I have continued drawing and writing.
When I survey my life, I think I've become a better person. My mindset has been changing these past 7 months. I am more aware of the struggles my people face -both my race and my gender. I'm more aware of the economic, social and physical injustice going on around me and how I've been manipulated to believe it was normal. I'm striving to completely change my life. I wish to not only understand my beliefs more but to implement them in my life.
I also wish to become closer to God, I've come to realize how much I love him and how much I depend on him and how greatly His opinions affects the decisions I make about myself. I always envy Muslims because they're so determined in their pursuit of their religion and how the opinion of the world doesn't change how they act, dress or talk. They remain faithful to Allah always, and I'm so jealous of that.
I'm quite weak in that area. Whenever I'm in public and I even when I'm surrounded by fellow Christians it feels very awkward talking about God or just preaching in general. And that's very wrong.
I pray to God to just give me strength
