And i want to die
I want to wake up one morning and not have to pretend,
To look in the mirror and not hate what i see,
To eat and not feel disgusted with myself afterwards,
To be surrounded by people who won't
To look at pictures of myself and not breakdown,
I want to love myself for who i am.
But i can't,
My problems are petty and foolish compared to others
And all i do is complain,
I have no self control or discipline so all i can do is dream,
Dream that one day i will magically drop to a size 8
And have a gorgeous boyfriend who understands me and is weird as well.
Dream that by some miracle, all my anti-social issues are solved
And i won't feel alone anymore
Dream that i can finally be happy with life
But i won't
Because i also dream of death,
Dreams where i die horribly but at the same time painless,
Dreams where i disappear and no one notices,
Dreams where i have cancer,
Dreams where my organs are harvested,
Dreams where i get hit my a truck,
Dreams where i plunge a knife in my throat and choke on my own blood.
These are my dreams and lately it seems i have a better chance dying than ever being happy
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