21:03

I never knew it was humanely possible to despise and detest someone so much until i met this girl.

She is what society would brand as an cheap whore. She is rude, disgusting, a back-stabbing bitch and it seems opening her legs and begging are her only strong points. Usually i would not judge her for being a slut because i have no right to judge, but when she decided extended her claws to the boy i liked, she started war.

She never did anything with him but the idea of her thinking about doing such with the boy I like makes me hate her. I avoid using the word 'hate' because I feel it's too strong a word and I am exaggerating my feelings for the person but i can say with all confidence that my feelings for her is pure hatred. Her existence simply irritates my soul.

One of the things I have noticed is that she has no respect for anybody. Whether your a teacher, a parent, her friend, her classmate, her senior she will not respect you. Coming from a culture that holds respect extremely high, I look at her in confusion and pity. How can someone who comes from the same culture as i have such a blatant disregard for morals.

Don't even get me started on how much of a slut she is

I don't know whether she doesn't think about it before she does it or she does and doesn't care but i have never in my 14 years of life seen someone who is consciously immoral and still hold herself high. I know I sound like a super bitch and believe me, I don't judge girls by how many people they have slept with, how many nudes they have sent or how many hand jobs they have given; I don't and i never will but i look at her with disgust and loathing because i just want to walk up to her and slap her, scream at her to finally realize that all the boys she is messing around with see her as dirt and if she continues like this she won't get very far; yell at her to stop begging and disgracing her family because whenever I see her do these things I just wonder: Where were her parents when she was growing up? How can they let their child grow up like this? -Society expectations aside, if this girl was your daughter and you look at how she is behaving, won't you feel as if you failed? Won't you feel as if you weren't there when she needed to be disciplined or you didn't do enough to ensure she didn't turn out the way she has?




I write this because i am angry and irritated but nonetheless, I have no right to judge her. I don't know her family situation. I don't know what she has been through. All i know is that she should get her shit together

Father's Day

Well truth be told, my father and i don't really have a normal relationship.Normally families would at least have some sort of bond between  the father and the children (if they are any) but in my family it's different.

My father isn't exactly the caring-super-involved type of father. He is odd. He tries not to be the controlling traditional man but there are times when his resolve crumbles and his true image is revealed. To me, my father is simply a sponsor, a man who works hard to provide the essentials and more for my family  but that is the extent in which his show of affection goes. He isn't someone you can easily talk to about problems, he would rather scold and discourage you than show interest to your ideas and ambitions, he wants you to be the perfect African child but wants no part in actually raising you and only God can help you if you so much as try to pursue passions that deviate from the tradition .

I'm not the only one, all my other family members dislike my father for one reason or another but we all claim to love him. I avoid him because i feel it;s two-faced to act all friendly with him when i harbour such disgust. I will not say the reasons but there are alot.

I am also grateful for my dad, he gave me a home, is paying for my education, revealed his daughter from another woman( well he is the only one he told us about) and all other things

I just wish he was different

Dilemma

News update: i have a boyfriend

He has been my friend for about 2 years and he is weird, like totally fucking weird, and he is a pervert.

I don't mind cause I'm pervert too

Unlike my last relationship, we have lots in common like anime, shows, school subjects, manga, pervertedness etc and i truly enjoy talking to him but there are times when i look at him and think 'What the fuck is wrong with you?'

I anger him, he irritates me. It's the cycle that defines our relationship but we trust each other and i enjoy being in his company. I put it in God's hands and just hope that it will go end.

Another issue is the constant crave to just push him down and ride him. I mentioned I am pervert earlier right? well it's worse when I'm with him. We constantly tease each other and part of me wants to give in ( like half) but the other half ( the sensible one) is shouting 'YOU JUST STARTED DATING! CALM DOWN!!' so I'm in a dilemma  

From past experience I'm not going to jump into things and get sexual right away ( though i want to), i want to wait and get to know him more, his good and bad sides.

God help me

Bipolar days

i go from tired to extreme hyper crazy in like 5 minutes. Whenever im alone with my thoughts my moods change so easily, like i go from normal indifferent me to angry pissed off psychopath me cause i had a scenario where i killed all the people i didn't like or extremely cute crazy mode where im  loud and happy just cause i thought of something funny