My heart aches.
I am nearing the end of my first year in A-LEVELS and so far it has been stressful. I am always tired. Tired of life. Tired of being happy. Tired of existing. I just wish for a swift and painless death, but at the same time plan ahead for the next day.
I'm so confused.
My 'will' to live has practically evaporated and all that I'm left with is the tiny puddle of a voice that's meekly cheering me on. I'm tired of my weight. I'm tired of my body. I'm tired of my life. I'm tired of the fact that no matter how much I have hope in a relationship I always end up being disappointed.
With Victor dealing with his own problems, I've never felt so alone in my life, and I don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes in my head I just wish a therapist would appear from nowhere, diagnose me with what i already know so that people around me can finally realize how dead I am inside.
As soon as I opened this comment box I wanted to type "Everything will be okay" but I know I have no way of knowing that. I wanted to type "I know how you feel" but I realized that that is the worst kind of lie.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess I'll just write the truth.
I don't really know what to say, how to make you feel better. Maybe you don't want me to. Maybe you'll delete this comment. But however long I had your friendship (especially in senior year), know that I valued it. Even if you always wore a mask. I'm sorry that you never felt like you could open up to me.