And yet every effort is met with failure and tears???
Behold the summary of my undergraduate degree.
As I am less than a month away from 'graduating' ( thanks coro coro), and on the last stage of my design project, I am reflecting back to the last three years. All the half assed effort manifesting in cramming for exams, dozens of moments where I battled between realising I am simply not cut out for my degree and a miniscule amount of hope that I AM smart, I'm just not trying hard enough, the increased effort with subpar results, the constantly envy of fellow classmates who seem to grasp content easier. etc. etc
The first two years of my three year degree ended with disappointing results, a 63 and 55% overall the latter of which is considered a 2nd class lower ( shit grade for annual £20,000 investment). At the end of each year as I reluctantly open my module assessment portal, and each year my self hatred is renewed just in time for the upcoming year.
The start of this year had everything riding on it. It was my last chance to make right my lack of success and intellect in the previous years. The first term went well. I actually managed to score my first above 77% in an assessment in the entire degree. To say that I was filled with elation is not a sentence I can even construct. I was over the moon. I felt so assured and proud of myself that I couldn't believe it actually happened for months afterwards. Further to my surprise the sense of joy didn't stop there.
On average throughout the term, I was on cloud nine as I scored above and beyond my expectations-even scoring a 92% on one of my assessments. Second term rolled around however, and all those wonderful marks meant very little compared to the final exam which I bombed half of them :).
Now I am in my final design project and after weeks of being assessed during feedback sessions and getting repeated low grades that 'represent' the amount of work I had done :))))))))))))), a shitty final report ( this one was more of a group effort) and another suicide attempt ( during exams).
I just feel crap :D
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